


Going Somewhere

by wth_am_i_writing



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt, Gen, attempted comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-15 02:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16924917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wth_am_i_writing/pseuds/wth_am_i_writing
Summary: They always said they wanted him to shut up, so he did.





	Going Somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on January 13, 2014.
> 
> Original Author’s Note: The idea for this came to me while I was finishing up the last fic and browsing through the VIXX tag. Anyway, this is something I hope isn’t really true irl! *hugs N*

“Just _shut up_ already, you’re _annoying_.”

N didn’t know what it was about Leo’s words that particular day, but they had struck a chord deep with in him and he hadn’t spoken since—not unless he was speaking to a manager or staff while preparing for a performance, to correct something during practice, or he was required to by work. Maybe it had been the straw that broke the camel’s back, but he felt a little selfish at times when he thought back to that day. Leo had been somewhat down, so N had tried to cheer him up. As soon as the words left Leo’s mouth, he’d walked away and locked himself in a closet, leaving N shell-shocked.

It _was_ the straw breaking the camel’s back, he supposed. Even though that incident had happened three weeks ago, whenever he thought back to it—to all the other times his members had said on and off camera that they wished he would talk less—he couldn’t bring him self to speak unless absolutely necessary. And with that, he’d secluded himself and withdrew from many of the activities that the others enjoyed around the house and studio. He put in the same effort he always did during practice—if not more—but cut down on the amount he harshly criticized the members. These days, he left that to the choreographers and the others to self-monitor. He just didn’t have the energy for it anymore.

But he could fake a smile well, spoke enough on camera and to the staff to avoid suspicion. Indeed, his members hadn’t noticed either at first. It wasn’t until the second day, that he’d caught Hongbin wondering why it was so quiet in the dorm. By the end of the first week, they’d all been somewhat nervous and suspicious. By the end of the second, they’d all written it off as exhaustion as they too were growing tired with continued promotions.

Then N injured his back. It wasn’t serious. He’d waved it off and kept going, but when he finally saw the doctor the next day, he was scolded. They had to revise their promotion plans, and revise they did. And N withdrew into himself more, scolding himself at his carelessness.

“Something’s seriously wrong with N,” Leo had said the other day.

“He’s just tired and trying to recover. Let him be. It’s easier to sleep this way,” Ravi had replied.

“He does seem down, but he can handle it himself,” Hyuk had said. “I’m worried, but he’s strong. Besides, it’s nice not to have him calling me cute all the time.”

Since then, Leo had been watching N, but he pretended not to noticed. He secluded himself in bed with good books whenever he could. When the manager asked why he’d been so cooped up in the dorms lately, he responded that the book he was reading was just too good to put down. But N had been staring at the same page of his book for ten minutes. He couldn’t see the words on the page and was instead lost in thought, lost in all the moments his members had shushed him.

There was a knock on his bunk. He looked over to Leo standing there, holding his laptop with a pair of headphones in his hand. His gaze was as piercing as always, but he looked like he wanted something. N hummed in question.

“Listen to my demo track,” Leo demanded, a little pout on his lips. N smiled, closing his book. He didn’t bother to mark the page. He didn’t remember a thing about the story anyway.

“Sure,” he said, crawling out of bed. He took the laptop from Leo and sat on the floor. After putting the headphones in, he pressed play on the music-editing program. The music was soft, sad with melodic piano and Leo’s soft voice but passionate voice singing both the tune and the melodies. It was an incredibly sad song, one perfectly suited to Leo’s voice. Leo stared at him intently as listened to the song, watching for his reaction. When the track finished, N pulled the headphones out.

“It’s good. It’s new?” Leo nodded. “Then you should show it to the manager in the morning. What’s it called?”

“Going Somewhere,” Leo responded, looking down at the music program. N smiled again.

“I think the manager will like it,” he said, handing the laptop back to Leo. He stood and prepared to crawl back into bed.

“I wrote it while thinking about you,” Leo said. N froze, turning to look at Leo with wide eyes. “Lately, your eyes look like they’re somewhere else, like you’re going to go somewhere and leave us.”

“I’m not leaving,” N said, trying to smile away Leo’s unease.

“But you aren’t yourself,” Leo insisted. “There’s something _wrong_.” N looked away, eyes training on the door and unfocusing as a single laugh escaped his lips.

“Isn’t this what you wanted? What everyone wanted? I think it’s better this way too.” Yes, he supposed he had gone somewhere, or at least the old him, and it didn’t look like the person he once was would come back. Not as long as he felt like it was better for the group, not as long as he felt like his shortcomings got in the way of VIXX.


End file.
